"During times of universal deceit, telling the truth becomes a revolutionary act."
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Apparently a Sunday Newspaper ran a poll asking people what they think of the 3 main part leaders. Gordon Brown was thought to be the man who would be first to repay £20 that you had lent him.
Interesting.........
Bet not many of the respondents were pensioners................
Euromillions, Friday. Must win jackpot £88,000,000.
Got an email, congratulating me on my win and asking me to visit the Lottery website.
Won £7.90 out of 88 million. Was it worth it?
Not when I spent £15 entering. 
Ah well back to work Monday.
Irish
You decide. Reckon I am going to get into trouble for this one, but may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb.
Son goes up to his mother and asks "Mum why are wedding dresses white?"
Mum replies "To signify the purity of mind, body and spirit of the bride."
Son doesn't really understand this so he goes to his Dad.
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"
Dad looks at him in amazement, then answers
"Don't be daft lad, all household appliances come in white".
See yah
Down the years there have been many elected members of parliament who have crossed the floor of the house and moved from one political party or another. Not surprisingly they almost always move from the opposition benches to the government benches. Wonder why?
If they make this decision they should be automatically evicted from the Houses of Parliament until they have fought a bi-election. Why do I say that? Simple. These people have been voted in after standing for a political idealogy and supported by enough people who agree with them to be elected. If they then change their mind they should be put to the test by the electorate to see if their constituents want them to continue.
The latest to make the unseemly journey is Mr Davis, erstwhile MP for the Grantham area of my county of Lincolnshire. This gentleman has just addressed the Labour conference having been elected as a Conservative MP.
He now has no mandate to allow him to serve in the House of Commons. He should be automatically removed from the position of Member Of Parliament until, if and when the people of his constituency vote him back in. About as much chance as plaiting fog to be honest. Otherwise the constituents have no real representation in parliament.
Irish
What a completely unbelievable idiot that Ed Balls is (has anybody been quite so aptly named?). He dares to say that the leader of the Conservative Party is out of touch with reality because of his priveledged background.
Mr Balls (still makes me laugh) was born into a middle class family and attended one of the top private schoos in the country which costs £9000 to attend. He has two houses, one in Yorkshire and one in Kensington, London (not the cheapest of areas). Bloody stones and glass houses come to mind here.
Mind you the Labour Party has always been susceptible to this type of underhand behaviour. As far back as the late 60's, early 70's in my memory Labour MPs have behaved this way.
Let's take the case of Sir Anthony Wedgewood Benn. A member of one of the richest families in the country. (Wedgewood - Ceramics - yes?). Changed his name to Tony Benn to make himself more one of the people. Called his son Hilary, which is for another day.
Just another example of the deceit that has always been at the heart of the Labour Party.
Irish
Here is a warning to all of you ladies who would like to dally with politics.
The girl who was first too conservative and then became to liberal usually ends up in labour.
Irish
Seen in a fortune tellers shop window:
Closed today due to unforeseen circumstances.
Irish
Report this morning that Gordon Brown has received big support from the women of this country after his recent speech about "family values".
Have to say that I saw a report about women not being as intelligent as men. Now I thought it was fun but didnt prove a great deal and didn't believe it.
It would appear however, that women are very gullible if they can be taken in quite so easily.
I mean why would they be taken in by a Labour politician who is talking about the core conservative values? If you want a conservative then have one.
Plastic conservatives like Brown are about as useful as plastic policemen.
Irish
Rather disturbing story in the news today.
A 10 year old boy jumped into a pond to save his 8 year old step sister from drowning. The boy then got into difficulties despite two fishermen saving the little girl.
Two Police Community Support Officers were on the scene but they didn't help because they had not been trained in saving drowning people.
After 5 minutes a real policeman, a sergeant, arrived, stripped off his body armour, entered the water and got the boy out. Unfortunately the brave lad was dead.
The actions of the two PCSO's were, to my mind, pathetic. How many passers-by would have stood and watched? I would suggest that a huge percentage would have helped the boy, despite the fact that very few had been "trained" in water rescue.
These two "worthy" additions to the constabulary should be thouroughly ashamed of themselves. It wasn't a lack of training that stopped them helping, but a lack of bottle. I wonder what the sergeant thought of them?
Irish
Better get filled up folks, because the price of petrol will hit the £1 per litre mark from the 1st October. Not because of any price hike of oil though.
No! This is as a result of Emperor Gordon sliding one more stealth tax under the radar before he left the Treasury. Entirely down to taxes folks, nothing else.
Wonderful this governent. NOT!
Irish
Do not follow the lead of the Americans and reduce interest rates. Just when the recent increases are starting to bite, slowing house prices, reducing the amount of new personal debt etc. is not the time to start arsing about.
There isn't an economic argument for reducing them so please leave them alone.
Irish
So Moroninho has got the push from Chelsea. Excellent news as far as I am concerned.
Always thought he was a nasty piece of work who did nothing to enhance the reputation of either Chelsea or English football as a whole.
Don't be fooled by all this, by mutual agreement nonsense. Abramovich had obviously had more than enough of him and so he got the old big E.
Just surprised it took as long as it did.
Irish
Report today that the size zero models/women/celebrities will have low sex drives because of their size and eating regimes.
Wonderful news for them I would think.
I mean they can't get that many offers can they, as I wouldnt think there are many men would want to bonk a stick insect!!!
irish
This appears to be a big talking point today with the usual suspects appearing on the TV and the radio to discuss it. They are talking about child poverty in this country.
Apparently all of the below proves that we have child poverty in this country:
Child does not have a mobile phone.
Parents cannot afford to send child on school trips.
Child is not dressed in the right trainers.
Child cannot have weekly swimming lessons because parents cannot afford it.
Child does not have the correct school uniform because ...... ditto......
These things came from children themselves in the first instance, but I have heard two people today agreeing with the list.
Poverty? Really?
Try going to Africa, Asia, Eastern Europe and opening your eyes folks!!!
Is it not time we readdressed our values?
Irish
A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a
very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at
his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No," he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just
testing it."
The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special
about it?"
Bond explains, "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."
The lady says, "What's it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you're not wearing any panties...." "The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says, "Bloody thing's an hour fast
Irish
One of the regional Labour Parties is going to have to replace John Prescott as it's MP.
Not sure if he is retiring or has shagged himself to a standstill!!
This has been fairly big news on the local television.
The question being "Who is going to replace John Prescott in East Hull?"
My suggestion:
Contact the original cast of One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest, they are sure to find a like for like candidate there!!!!
Apparently JP's son is up for the job. I hope for the people of East Hull that he is definitely not a chip off the old block.
Irish
Come on you clever lot, help me out here?
I need to know what the elasticated metal things are called that you can wear on your shirt-sleeves, just above the elbow, to keep your sleeves from appearing too long. Used to be very popular in the 1920's-30s, and were always seen in the films worn by newspaper men whilst typing up their stories.
I am sure someone out there knows.
Be grateful for the info.
Irish
Saw a very interesting programme on the TV last night. It was about Muslims converting to Christianity or Apostasy as it is known.
This is frowned upon to such an extent that there are large section of the world-wide community of Islam that actually believe Apostasy is punishable by death.
Certainly evidence is legion of people (known as Apostates) being killed because of this and even more so being harrassed attacked and ostracised because of their choice.
Can't think what the reaction would be if the same happened to Christians that converted to Islam - can you?
Would there be a backlash and would it be so acceptable?
Irish
I would be very grateful if someone could explain all the nonsense that is being talked about this country having a national DNA database. So what?
I have heard moans about people who are arrested being put on it whether they are convicted of a crime or not. So what?
Why is this such a problem?
It would be excellent if everybody in this country was included on the database. If you have nothing to hide what is the problem?
Would you not want the person who raped and murdered a female member of your family caught? As it stands any DNA evidence has only a very slim chance of being any use. If everybody was on it .. bingo. Thank you go straight to jail and don't collect your £200.
If a member of your family was badly burnt in one of the many tragedies that befalls the world, would you not want them identified?
There is no reason to malign the database that I can see. Those that do are just the chattering idiots that always have some kind of feeling that the government and the world is after them .... for some reason, you know the old conspiracy theory.
It is all rubbish. Let's just get on with it eh?
Irish
Unlike millions of people, it seems, I do not know whether the Mcanns were responsible for the death/disappearance of their daughter or not. Unlike millions of people I don't care one way or another.
What I do care about is being bombarded by this story every time I open a newspaper or turn on the TV. I am pissed off to the back teeth with it!!
I don't blame the media for the coverage though. Why not? Well I have said it before on here. If people want to use the media for their own ends they forfo the right to their privacy from the media. Let's face it this is what the Mcanns have done.
But even so. ENOUGH, I cry. Let the police get on with their job, try and prove one way or another what actually happened. That is when there is a story and not before.
Irish
Just like to say how sickened I am at the way the complete Knobs at Wembley disrespected the Russian National Anthem. What a bunch of tossers. Not only did they boo all the way through but they booed after it was finished. Where is your respect?
By comparison after the end of the British National Anthem the Russian team actually applauded. It wouldn't have been for the rendition of the crowd, a huge proportion of which wouldn't have known the words.
Shows where we have got to as a society as a whole.
Desairlingly yours
Irish
If you don't find this funny I reckon you must have passed over.
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS
40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay
And finally.....
A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.
Irish
Reckon you will like this one.
An Indian is having his breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter And jam) when an American man; chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Indian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation .
American: "You Indians eat the whole bread?"
Indian (coolly): "Of course." American: (after blowing a huge bubble)"We don't. In America, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container,recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to India."
The American has a smirk on his face.
The Indian munches on... gives a cold look but did not reply.
The American refuses to take the cue and persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Indian: "Of Course."
American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In America we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and left overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to India."
The Indian puts his coffee mug down...looks straight in the American's eye and then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smirk.
Indian: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Indian: "We don't. In India, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America.
Who says you can't beat a Juicy Fruit?
Irish
Read today about a bloke who said he was gender confused, a man in a womans body.
So he eventually had a sex change to become a woman.
He/she then decided that he/she was a lesbian.
Is it just me or is there something slightly confusing in this tale?
Irish
Just found this. One for the ladies.
For charity - Prostrate Cancer - the under-funded male cancer.
Have a look here girls:
Bet cricket has never been so interesting.
Perhaps some of you fellas know a lady that might like a bit of this. If so why not have a look too, if you can stand the competition.
Come on folks. We all know about the pink ribbon campaigns for breast cancer. You ladies can help us blokes out now.
Irish
Just discovered that this government of ours is now employing 98,000 civil servants in the Ministry Of Defence to administer the needs of just 99,000 Armed Forces personnel.
Marvellous. Wonder if the squaddies know that they each have a civil servant to look after them. Perhaps they could each ask the civil servant why their living accommodation is so poor, why they can't get proper medical care when wounded in battle, why there is a shortage of equipment and why there is a shortage of military personnel to meet the needs of the campaigns presently being engaged upon.
Or would that be too embarrassing for the poor, harassed civil servants. Especially the ones with injured thumbs from typing.
Irish
This really is a cracker.
The government is going to start paying expectant mothers a £120 fruit and veg grant, in the hope that they will spend the money on good food and cut out the drinking and smoking. The hope? Yes.
Because there is no way that it can track what the money is actually being spent on. Great eh?
Wonder how many will spend it on more drink and more fags?
Apparently this is going to be paid as a grant to expectant mothers regardless of income.
i just love it. More tax-payers money well-spent.
Irish
So old Bin Laden is at it again producing another video for the consumption of the world just before the anniversary of 11/9 (not 9/11, I am British).
So he exhorts the American people to give up democracy and embrace Islam. This is news to me.
I was not aware that there had to be a choice. Can you not be Muslim and a supporter of democracy then?
If you can't then it puts a whole new face on what is happening in the world today.
Irish
