(Continued)

But God was not listening, or at least he wasn't listening to me at that moment. Looking down the line he probably had many more before me to deal with. Poor Sods.

Christ it's cold. The kind of cold that you don' ever get used too. Come to think of it, I can't remember when I last felt warm. Will I ever feel warm again.

Panic settling down now. Feel strangely numb.
Know I am going to have to do it, know I don't want to.

"2 minutes - Stand to. 2 minutes stand to."

Now all the NCO's spring to life. Cajoling and bawling at the blokes. Getting them up and ready to go. Ready to go where? Up the bloody ladders, that' where. A wooden road to oblivion.

Almost in spite of myself I move. Get in line. Lieutenant Gibbs pushes past me. Strange little bloke. Always been good to the men. Sort of man that you would follow, even now. Not that we have much choice. Full of confidence he is. Then why is he shaking on that ladder? Sweating despite the cold.

"1 minute - Oficers Ready. One minute" comes the shout.

Breathing deeply now. Controlling the rising panic and ignoring the rising bile. Gun held ready. Best friend they say. Not at this moment in time.

Dunc is right in front of me now. Christ what a stink. Smells like the previous nights state has returned.

Gibbs is staring intently at his watch, whistle goes up to his mouth.

Whistles blow. Shit we are going to do it. Ghost-like listless men push themselves forward up the ladders and disappear over the top. Still on the ladder when the screams begin. Don't want to go but being pushed from behind.

At the top. Christ what a sight. Men in khaki as far as the eye can see both sides. Pouring over the top. Steadfastly going forward .. and then collapsing. 100 yards in front of me and hardly anyone is standing. 100 yards. Christ life isn't now measured in time but distance. 100 yards. Moving on. Why am I?

Shouldn't I just stop? Shouldn't I just drop to the ground and stay there? Of course I should. Will I? No. 
Fuck knows why but I go on. Bullets sing and zip through the air. Buzzing like bees. Nothing else to be heard. 

Come on you Kraut bastards. Come on. Look out for me because I am coming. Yes. 

On I go picking up speed. Heavy going in the cloying freezing pools of mud .... and the bodies. Raise my rifle. Can see them just ahead. Going to fire my first shot of the war, first chance at the first German I have seen. He is going to get it. The bastard.

Pain. What? More pain. Ground freezing cold under my back. Mud soaking through by uniform. Pain. Get up!!!!

No movement. Come on you useless body get up. Nothing ... except pain. 
Then nothing.